Alright, alright, here it finally is. A few people asked that I watch it, for reasons best known to themselves (sadists). I have to say the overall response to this has not gone unnoticed and if I'm honest, I wasn't going to bother as you have already said pretty much all there is to say.
But anyway, while I'm here, twiddling my thumbs for a couple of hours until something important happens on a saturday lunchtime, what the hell, I thought. How bad could it really be?
Eli Roth adapts what was already a fairly tiresome franchise to begin with and decided to rope in as many faces that might make it through in one piece. But as Cate opines Danny Glover's now famous line - "I'm too old for this shit." - I pretty much had Roth's number.
With set designs that can only dream about being as authentic as a hastilly created ride at Blackpool Pleasure Beach and a script that quite possibly appears to have been written as Roth was being taken roughly from behind by his neighbours' XL Bully, in crayon, whilst hopping up and down on a training trampoline in the back garden. Truly, this is nextgen awful.
Blanchett must have been in what can only be described as 'a very odd mood' when she agreed to be seen dead in this. Just what was she (and the casting director) really thinking? Her delivery is palpably bad, as if she refused to rehearse and just said the lines once when recording.
This does the video games adaptation industry no favours whatsoever and I imagine it will take Arcane later in the year to save the notion from complete ignominy. I'm not going to waste anymore time on this and I suggest you do the same.
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