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  • Writer's pictureSteve

Don't Fuck in the Woods 2 (2022)

Shawn Burkett and Brandy Mason are BACK! Joining forces for the second cautionary tale of copulating in a forest (apparently). Now I'll be honest, I hadn't come across the original Don't Fuck In The Woods, but I'm fairly certain that it won't have made enough money or critical praise to warrant what you might describe as a sleeper hit and produce quite enough demand for a sequel. Still, he we are. Burkett clearly has more bark (cough, sorry, that was a bit wooden) than bite.

Now I will applaud everyone that goes to the lengths it takes to make a full-blown feature. Knowing a filmmaker or two in my time, I also know what a complete nightmare it can be from beginning to end. Worse still if you're struggling just to raise the money to even get started. Your original artistic vision rarely becomes what it was to begin with and you can be forgiven for repeatedly resisting the temptation to just give up.

To be honest, this is the reason there is so much of this around. It's very easy to do and easier to do badly. Take a bunch of unknowns that will work for nothing or next to nothing (including their clothes) with the promise of future stardom, no doubt, stick them all in an open area that doesn't require a set, grab an iPhone and a cheap drone, make sure you've brought enough red paint, give your female cast screaming tutorials as there won't be much acting involved and dial down on the subtlety which was probably already non-existent in the script, assuming you bothered to write one.

All power to Burkett for his dogged determination to get this to see the light of day, mostly into the hands of clueless reviewers that maybe can't quite grasp the genius he imagines he has for this type of thing. All goodwill aside, this is unbridled rubbish from beginning to end that my youngest child could knock up over a weekend, not that he would ever have a mind to. I'm sure someone once said to Burkett at a tender age that he could achieve greatness and to never give up on his dreams blah blah blah. This requires more than ambition and enthusiasm, however, but I think that is all he has to go on.

A classic example, if it were needed, that literally anyone can make a movie, some more than once, but just because you can, it doesn't mean you should.


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