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  • Writer's pictureSteve

Eternals (2021)

My ex-wife coined the term deviant, in my recollections. It was both a term of endearment and a brutally honest assessment about what foul depravity I would be prepared to do, just to see if it was fun or not. I don't think I was that bad, personally. It's not like I came home from work one evening with a baseball bat, tub of Swarfega and a Ukrainian hermaphrodite named Vlad for a game of "how far can you insert this thing in your crevice?"

Not only are the deviants far from what you might at first imagine, there is something to be said for the definition of an 'Eternal' as well, as two of them proved far from everlasting in just the first half of the movie.

And by crikey, what a movie this is. I didn't realise two and a half hours could take so long. This is only a few short steps from Power Rangers territory with all of the Eternals coming together to fight the unstoppable force that is the 'Emergence'; a birth of a God that will cause the end of all human life on the planet. Those same Gods that created the Eternals in the first place. Confused? Well, get used to it. It doesn't make more sense as time goes on, just more ridiculous by the minute.

I think I understand the relevance of these characters and their importance in regards to the future of Marvel, but by the end of this, I am no wiser as to what the hell the point of them is and how they fit into a Universe where Thanos was really a thing and the Avengers, minus the major players, are all still around. Nor am I compelled to learn more about the characters that were forced to be so thinly drawn here, due to sheer numbers.

A gamble by Marvel, but one I feel they were being forced to make, given the longevity being all but exhausted for their tentpole releases. Whether this proves to be a success, much like the original Iron Man, remains to be seen, but really, I don't think this will mature as well over time.

Eternals is available on Disney+ from tomorrow, January 12th 2022


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