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  • Writer's pictureSteve

Haunting of the Queen Mary (2023)

The reasons for watching this today are threefold. Firstly, Alice Eve (cough). Secondly, I already have over fifty movies lined up for October's Horrorfest and the list was getting silly by now, and third and most importantly, I had a couple of hours before the footy started. What better way to pass a Saturday morning on a long weekend than a frightener on a big fuck off boat? Well, quite.

Ignoring the Kubrick-esque direction that Shore was clearly throwing at us from the get-go, I was more up for bloodlust and devilish mayhem. And you know what, we almost got it. Set partly on Halloween 1938 on board the titular luxury liner, this tells the unfortunate events of the evening, with regular flash forwards of 'interwoven destiny' pertaining to a family (of sorts) and their visit to the now docked 'attraction'.

The first thing to say would be that it looks great. Authenticity has been carefully considered. It's not Titanic, to be fair, but the effort with design didn't go unnoticed. As mentioned, Shore's direction is eerily familiar. I was getting 'Shining' vibes throughout the first act, though this largely diminished thereafter.

Not for the squeamish, the blood does flow regularly and the consistent reduction in the number of live cast member is quite brutal on occasion, but the worst of it is quite rare. Mostly the thrills are humdrum and unimaginative. Running about and screaming are not usually a signifier of notable cinematic awards and the same can be levelled at this. The performances are fine but not good. Given the content, this comes as no surprise.

In all, worth a watch as there is much, much worse out there that you could choose from for a night cuddled up on the sofa (or behind it, you do you, after all). Not a glowing endorsement, I'll admit, but what do you expect? The football's starting.

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