Kill Keith (2012)

Not going to be spending too long on this effort by Andy Thompson, as this is going straight in the binbag section. Cobble together a list of British celebrities that are all well past their prime and then murder them all in horrible ways. Sounds like a dream come true, perhaps, given that this 'enjoys' cameos from DJ Tony Blackburn, Astrologer Russell Grant and Comedian Joe Pasquale to name but three. Don't forget, of course, the eponymous Keith 'Cheggers' Chegwin.

Despite the title, this is less about the brutal killings of the Breakfast Cereal Killer (yawn), but the romantic tale of early morning television presenter Dawn (Susannah Fielding) and one of the runners that works on the show, Danny (Marc Pickering).

When Dawn starts to receive death threats, Danny is the shoulder on which she cries and romance begins to blossom, under the real threat of being bumped off by an unknown murderer that seems to have something against any celebrity connected with the show (and some that don't).

The plot is farcical, which is pretty much what you would expect, given the cast and regularly resorts to toilet humour and other lowest common denominators to try and raise a laugh, which it fails to do almost completely. Trying to meld the story of a serial killer into a comedy with second rate celebrities that have never been known for their acting skills is not what most people would recommend as a worthwhile project.

And with good reason. The film is a hotchpotch rag tag mess really. The story is stupidly simple but overcomplicated by a script that defies all common sense. None of the 'characters' are really believable and given that the majority of them are playing themselves, this does not bode well.

Susannah Fielding and Marc Pickering both try their best, but are overshadowed by the nonsense going on all around them. On their own, this may have been different. But having to play out this no-talent killer storyline was just painful and arduous.

Don't waste your time. I avoided it for as long as possible, so I suggest you do the same.