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  • Writer's pictureSteve

Nude Nuns with Big Guns (2012)

Yes really. In the course of my cinematic fumblings, I occasionally come across something that is difficult to categorise. It is hard to even understand why people make movies like this effort. Nevertheless, here it is, and for my part, I did sit through it from beginning to bewildering end.

You don't need to be a super-genius to guess the type of quality entertainment you are going to get when you hear no more than the title, and the content does not make a liar out of the promise. There are nuns, with no clothes on, carrying big guns.

In short, this is a poorly cobbled together pastiche of many different inspirations, from Machete to New Jack City, via From Dusk Til Dawn and Death Proof and every other Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino effort ever to hit the mainstream, only with less story, plot and poorer acting.

The story revolves around the actions of, believe it or not, angry nuns on a quest for revenge for the abuse they have suffered at the hands of the priests and the rest of the bad guys they work with. The priests have made them produce heroin and cocaine and dosed them up to keep them pliable and obedient, but there is trouble brewing in the nunnery, oh yes. Rebellion and resistance is growing, in the good name of the Lord, by crikey. Vigilante naked nuns, heaven bent on vengeance, brandishing huge weapons to dole out the mighty, bloody justice of the good god almighty. Alright, there's a bit of soft porn lesbian fondling and the occasional rape, but you know, you get what you pay for.

Terrible acting, a script that wasn't really worth writing on the page, plot devices that didn't work or were just tossed away altogether and direction that was, at times, actually laughable. Shlock filth and exploitation at its cheapest and nastiest. It made 'Hobo With A Shotgun' look like an Oscar winner.


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