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  • Writer's pictureSteve

The 355 (2022)

*sighs* Okay, well if we must, we must.

Now I'm not a huge fan of fully-clothed female jelly-wrestling because like this effort from Simon "I'm really more of a producer" Kinberg, it just seems a bit pointless, misogyny aside.

Bechdel would be proud.


Whilst this appears to be Mission Impossible wearing a nice frock, it is undermined not by the choice to cast it with female leads but to make it so obvious that it tries to be something it really isn't.


Naturally, the first reaction is roll your eyes at the projects' own need to be reactionary. If it was any more woke, it would never sleep again and you can forgivably assume that this only ever saw the light of day because the creators wanted to have their alibis ready when they got hauled across the coals by the #metoo movement. Ingratiating yourself is almost always obvious, so you'd better make it good.


Of the five women with extreme attitude featured here, Jessica Chastain probably has the most form and features most prominently with Diane Kruger coming in a close second. That nearly didn't happen as Marion Cotillard was down to play her part, but backed out for personal reasons. Bingbing Fan, Penelope Cruz and Lupita Nyong'o make up the rest of this formidably unbelievable quintet.


The best advice I can give is to forget the cast and try to focus on the story. Sometimes even that is hard to swallow, as the script often calls for an element of dick-waving, but lacks the dicks to wave. Now that is not me saying that only a cast of men could make this, as there are also elements that are entirely believable from secret agents of a female perspective, but the whole is not improved by the sum of its often lacking parts. In fact, if you have to flirt and wear a fancy dress to get what you want, aren't you the antithesis of what you're trying to portray in the first place?


I don't know of any women personally that think that this type of movie needed to be made to prove anything to anyone, so when the group are gathered around a bar drinking beers from the bottle and telling stories about their agent experiences, you do begin to wonder if they are not maybe trying a bit too hard to ram home the message that sisters really are doing it for themselves.


We know this already. Now calm down, you're getting hysterical. Go make me a sandwich. j/k *ducks from flying objects*


Honestly, meh.


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