So, after having a week off movies to concentrate on finishing the Gentlemen and The Signal on Netflix plus keeping fullly up to date with Constellation on Apple+, my first on the list is Millie Bobby Brown in Damsel which I admit I am only watching because Netflix keep bloody harping on about it and I can't seem to avoid the thing.
I imagine once I've watched it, they will leave me the fuck alone, fingers crossed. It appears to be everywhere I go, looking up at me all doe-eyed, helplessly dribbling like a well-behaved labrador when you wave a slice of pizza at it. Apparently.
And we all know the story before we've even seen the first few minutes, which would make it even more obvious. It isn't called Damsel for the reason you might imagine, but if you were thinking that then I still have that very attractive bridge to sell you. No, no, this young, pretty thing is far from in distress. It is a continual marvel to me that even in the heat of battle, doing things that fleets of useless men have failed to accomplish, that this same abject peril can be handled by one young, determined woman, without having to touch up her perfectly applied mascara first.
Oh yes, gentle reader, it's one of those. It looks sumptuous and so it should, given how much of the mighty dollar Netflix has thrown at it. This is all the more reason to point and laugh at it, if we're honest, as it goes to show how transparenty unadventurous Netflix has really become. We know already that they have form for it, but aside from the young, impressionable girls barely out of their Barbie outfits, it leaves the rest of us knowingly shaking our heads in dismay, though sadly not disbelief.
I saw at least three opportunities to throw in a timely dick joke in the first twenty minutes, if only there had been the tiniest sliver of imagination in the script which could easily have been written by AI without too much of a prompt.
Kudos to Brown and the rest of the cast, even if it is only for the fact that they managed to get through to the conclusion with a straight face. I'm sure the fee will have had them focused on getting it done, rather than actually believing in the whole pointless exercise. Take the money and run, I say, if some idiot is fool enough, then he and his money will soon part ways, as evidenced here.